As I write this I’m lying in bed with my youngest putting her to sleep. I just got home from a night of working late and I feel thankful to be with her at this moment. Inhale, exhale, this… is …. a good moment.
As a mindful momma I cherish these peaceful times of connection. Most days, I am using literally every DBT skill in the book just to get through a day of being a mom to three kids.
In fact I’m writing this blog post as a perspective challenger for the other moms out there. Let’s spend a little time together right now to “check the facts” and increase our use of “non-judgmentally”.
We all have that vision in our head of the perfect mother/wife/(insert partner/friend/husband/role of your choice here!).
My vision goes something like this. I wake up at 5am filled with gratitude and zest for the day, I meditate, spend time in spiritual contemplation, and exercise. Then I shift into a mom role. I gently get the kids off to school while attending to their every emotional need in order to make everyone happy. I start work, slay the day as a therapist, and help everyone I see. After completing my therapist tasks, I enthusiastically prepare a well-balanced healthy meal (which of course my entire family loves). The bedtime routine follows and I gently tuck everyone in bed. My husband and I then discuss our days in a connected, intentional way. We feel blissfully in love and I lay my head in my pillow filled with the gratitude of a day and life well-lived.
AND that my friends, is all bull shit.
That is not my day. I’ve never had THAT day. And it might not be your day either.
I make dinner and my kids say things like, “ewwww is that vomit?”. (They think I’d serve them vomit!)
I set limits and I’m told, “you’re a really mean mom”. (Thanks a lot. Just out here saving you from your underdeveloped brain and lack of judgement.)
My toddler cries NON STOP because there is no more ice cream – she ate the ice cream. (Okay on this one – same girl!)
Sometimes I just want to scream, “how much criticism can one woman take?!, Where is my break? Where is my thank you? This is HARD!”
The reality is I’m a skillful mom. Do I scream things like that…. never (lie)…. rarely. Instead I tell myself “this too shall pass” (encouragement), instead I breath in and out SLOWLY (paced breathing), instead I do the next mom task (effectively and cope ahead), and LET GO of the idea that any mom has it ALL together or figured out (nonjudgmental and radical acceptance).
My life is a beautiful dialectic of daily failures and disappointments while trying my absolute hardest. I keep showing up and trying again and again. That’s what it means to be a skillful momma. To the mom who cries in the shower because it’s the only place you feel you can, I’ve been there. To the mom who went into her business meeting with vomit on her suit, I’ve been there. To the mom who was so busy in the morning they sent their kid to school without a lunch, oops, been there too.
You see we’ve all been there because none of us are perfect and that’s okay. Sometimes we have moments like I have tonight. Where our little ones are curled up sleeping in our arms and… we… can…. just….be. Cause it’s worth it, it’s enough. All of it. And all of you.
