ABA vs. DBT: A More Affirming Approach for Neurodivergent Adults

Written By: Molly Johnson, LCSW

When it comes to treating autism and ADHD, the way we approach therapy matters. Historically, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) has been the go-to treatment, especially for kids. But for many adults with autism or ADHD, ABA can feel more like a “fixing” approach rather than a “celebrating who you are” one. Enter Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a more affirming, feel-good approach used in neurodivergent therapy that’s gaining ground, especially for ADHD adults, and doesn’t try to change the core of who you are.

ABA Therapy: Less Affirming, More ‘Fix-It’

ABA therapy, which is grounded in behaviorism, aims to change certain behaviors through reinforcement and punishment. While it can be effective in some ways, many autistic adults (and advocates) find it less than affirming. ABA often focuses on “correcting” traits like stimming or social quirks, rather than helping individuals embrace their neurodivergent identity. Over time, this can lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy, and can be a deeply invalidating experience.

For adults, the impact of this approach can be even more intense. If you’ve spent years trying to “fit in” or “mask” your true self, it can lead to emotional distress or burnout. ABA often feels more like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, rather than saying, “Hey, you’re awesome just as you are!”

DBT: Embrace Yourself, Just As You Are

Now, let’s talk about DBT. Originally designed for people with borderline personality disorder, DBT is all about helping individuals regulate their emotions, improve relationships, and accept themselves without judgment. It’s grounded in mindfulness and emotional validation, which is exactly what many neurodivergent adults need: acceptance.

Rather than trying to change the core of who someone is, DBT helps you work with what you’ve got, teaching skills to cope with tough situations, understand your emotions, and communicate more effectively. It’s kind of like giving yourself a big hug while learning to deal with life’s curveballs.

For ADHD and autistic adults, DBT is incredibly affirming because it’s focused on self-acceptance. Instead of feeling like you need to hide your quirks or struggle with social rules that don’t work for you, DBT says, “Hey, let’s find tools to help you live your best life, just the way you are.”

More specifically, here are the ways that the skill modules taught in DBT can be directly beneficial for those who are neurodivergent.

1. Mindfulness: Staying Present in the Moment

One of the core components of DBT is mindfulness, which helps individuals stay focused and present. ADHD adults, who may often feel scattered, find mindfulness practices to be a grounding tool to calm the mental whirlwind. For autistics, mindfulness can help manage sensory overload by promoting awareness and control over heightened sensory experiences. It’s about learning how to focus on what’s happening right now, rather than getting caught up in overwhelming thoughts or distractions.

2. Emotional Regulation: Managing Intense Feelings

Both autism and ADHD often come with intense emotional experiences—whether it’s frustration, excitement, or overstimulation. DBT provides specific strategies for emotional regulation, helping you understand and manage emotions before they spiral out of control. It teaches you how to identify what you’re feeling and why, giving you more control over how you react. This is especially useful for those with ADHD, where impulsivity and emotional outbursts are more common. By learning techniques like “half-smiling” to calm yourself or using deep-breathing exercises, DBT helps you develop more constructive ways to handle emotional peaks.

3. Improved Interpersonal Skills

DBT isn’t just about managing your inner world—it also gives you tools for interacting with others in healthy, effective ways. For people with ADHD or autism, social interactions can sometimes feel like navigating a maze. DBT teaches you how to communicate more clearly, assert your needs, and handle conflict without feeling overwhelmed. Whether it’s learning how to set boundaries or how to engage in active listening, these interpersonal effectiveness skills make everyday interactions smoother and less stressful.

4. Distress Tolerance: Navigating Difficult Situations

Life throws curveballs—unexpected changes, conflicts, or sensory overload—and these moments can feel particularly tough when you’re neurodivergent. DBT’s distress tolerance skills help you tolerate those uncomfortable or overwhelming moments without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms like shutting down or lashing out. Instead, you learn ways to manage distress, such as using distraction techniques, self-soothing methods, or finding temporary relief while you process the experience.

5. Validation and Acceptance

One of the most powerful aspects of DBT is the emphasis on acceptance. People with autism and ADHD often face the challenge of feeling misunderstood or “different.” DBT acknowledges that while there are areas of growth, your experiences, feelings, and reactions are valid. This sense of validation helps build self-esteem and self-compassion, which are crucial for anyone, but especially for neurodivergent individuals who may have struggled to feel understood or accepted.

DBT for ADHD: A Game-Changer

A recent study highlighted by Psychiatry Advisor shows just how effective DBT can be for adults with ADHD. Turns out, it’s not only acceptable for ADHD adults, it’s also a game-changer for emotional regulation, impulsivity, and focus—issues many ADHD folks know all too well. The study suggests that DBT helps individuals manage their emotions better and reduce impulsive behaviors, which means better overall functioning in life.

For ADHD adults, DBT can be a breath of fresh air. Rather than feeling like you need to “fix” your ADHD traits, DBT teaches you how to manage them in a healthier way, with skills that stick long-term. It’s all about learning how to cope without changing who you are.

Bottom Line: Affirming, Empowering, and Fun

ABA has its place for kids who need specific support, but for neurodivergent adults looking for a therapy that embraces their identity, DBT is where it’s at. It’s all about validation, celebration, and giving you the tools to thrive—without trying to make you fit into a box. So, if you’re looking for therapy that feels like a supportive partner in your journey rather than a fixer-upper, DBT with an affirming neurodivergent therapist might just be the perfect match. After all, you’re awesome exactly as you are!

Several clinicians on our team at DBT of South Jersey are equipped and excited to help you live your life effectively and authentically. Reach out now to learn more. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Embrace Your Unique Strengths with Affirming Support in DBT Neurodivergent Therapy in South Jersey

If you’re ready to feel seen and supported, neurodivergent therapy in South Jersey can help you embrace your authentic self. Our team at DBT of South Jersey offers skills in mindfulness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness tailored for ADHD and autistic adults. Take control of your growth and well-being—follow these three simple steps:

1. Contact us to book a free consultation with our intake team.
2. Meet with one of our skilled neurodivergent affirming therapists.
3. Start embracing your unique strengths!