Your partner may have said no to couples therapy, or agreed and then canceled. The relationship may have changed before the first appointment ever happened, and now the joint session you booked doesn’t fit anymore. You can still get support for your relationship on your own, and the work you do by yourself can change more than you might expect.
At DBT of South Jersey, we offer couples therapy in South Jersey using the Gottman Method and DBT, and individual therapy for relationship stress is often a practical place to start, whether your partner joins later or not.
One Person Can Change a Relationship Pattern
Relationships run on patterns. One person pulls back, the other pushes harder, and the same argument plays out again with a different topic. When you change your part of that pattern, the whole thing has to shift, even if your partner never sets foot in a therapist’s office.
That doesn’t make you responsible for fixing the relationship alone, and it doesn’t guarantee the outcome you want. It does mean you aren’t stuck waiting for someone else to be ready before anything can get better.
“When you change your part of the pattern, the whole pattern has to shift.”
What Individual Therapy Can Work On
- How you show up in conflict, including the moments you shut down, escalate, or say things you regret
- Asking for what you need clearly, using skills from our post on how to ask for what you need without starting an argument
- Boundaries and decisions, like what you’re willing to keep accepting and what you want next
- Grief and change, if the relationship has ended or is ending, where radical acceptance during loss can help
You can also look at your own history and the experiences that shaped how you love and argue, which often explains why certain fights hit so hard. Our post on how trauma shows up in relationships goes into that connection.
DBT Skills That Help, Even on Your Own
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was built around skills you can practice whether or not anyone else changes. A few that make a difference in relationships:
- DEAR MAN for asking for what you want or saying no: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate
- GIVE for keeping the relationship in mind during hard talks: be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, and use an Easy manner
- Emotion regulation for calming your body before a conversation so you can say what you mean
We wrote more about how DBT skills show up in healthy relationships, and our post on why living together can trigger repeated fights covers the patterns couples tend to get stuck in.
When to Bring Your Partner In
Some things are easier to work through with both people in the room, like rebuilding trust after an affair, communication that keeps breaking down, or big decisions you’re making together. Our couples therapists are trained in the Gottman Method, including Level 2 training and work with affairs and trauma, and starting individually and inviting your partner later is always an option.
If you feel afraid of your partner, couples therapy usually isn’t the right place to start. Individual therapy gives you a safer space to sort through what’s happening, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.
If Your Relationship Has Already Changed
Sometimes people reach out for couples therapy and, by the time the appointment comes, they’ve separated or the relationship has ended. That’s a hard spot to be in, and it’s a good reason to keep the appointment for yourself. Individual counseling can help you grieve, steady yourself, and make decisions from a calmer place.
Frequently Asked Questions About Going to Couples Therapy Alone
Can you go to couples therapy alone?
Yes. At DBT of South Jersey, you can start with individual therapy focused on your relationship. It can help you change how you handle conflict, communicate what you need, and make decisions, even if your partner never joins.
Will my therapist only hear my side of the story?
Your therapist will hear your perspective, and a good therapist will also help you look at your own part in the pattern. The goal is to help you see the pattern more clearly and respond in ways that fit your values.
Can my partner join later?
Yes. Starting individually and moving into couples therapy later is always an option, and our Intake Coordinator can talk through what that switch would look like for you.
Start Therapy in Moorestown or Voorhees, NJ
Whether your partner joins you or not, you can start working on your relationship now. We offer individual therapy, DBT, and couples therapy from both our Moorestown and Voorhees Township offices, with virtual options available, and our Intake Coordinator can help you figure out which fits best right now. That plan can change as your situation does, and you can also request an appointment for yourself online.
- Book a call to speak with our intake coordinator to see if therapy is right for you.
- Begin meeting with a skilled therapist, on your own or with your partner.
- Build the skills you need to thrive!
Other Services Offered at DBT of South Jersey
Care here is built around your whole life, including the relationships that matter most to you. Specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we help individuals manage intense emotions, build healthy relationships, and develop effective coping strategies.
In addition to supporting you with DBT, we provide individual counseling, therapy for teens and children, therapy for OCD and anxiety, therapy for anxiety, sadness, and self-doubt, as well as couples and family therapy. We are also proud to offer LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy, holistic healing, Reiki, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) to help clients heal from trauma and emotional distress.
Whether relationship stress is the main reason you’re reaching out or one piece of a larger picture, our compassionate team of expert therapists is here to help you create the life you deserve.